I don't sleep at night... no biggie.

If we were to wake up some morning and find that everyone was the same race, creed and color, we would find some other cause for prejudice by noon. ~ George Aiken

Sad, but most likely true. People love to hate.

I'm Jess. I live in Charleston, WV. I am a nurse on a neurological floor. I mostly care for older people that have had strokes or have other problems with their noggins. Some seizures, head trauma and spinal surgery too. Lately it's also been the satellite psych ward. I work night shift, so it's even more fun since the real crazies come out at night.

One month from today I will be 26. Knowing my luck as of late, I will probably spend it alone in this crappy town. I know, 26 isn’t really that old, but I feel like most of the people I know that are my age have their shit together much better than I do. Not to say that my life is a mess, but I don’t really see it going in the direction I am hoping it to in a timely fashion.

The guy I’m dating, who is most definitely not my boyfriend (we had “the talk”, or in our case a series of emails since we’re long distance and I’m not really a phone person), is generally pessimistic about our future together. It could be from him being “burned” really badly in a past relationship, or maybe he just isn’t as into me as I thought he was. Though, apparently we appear to others that we are more than what he says we are. Aka, my friends that we hung out with told me that if they weren’t aware of our situation, they’d think we were together, exclusive (which we’re not, though it’s not totally ruled out as a future adjective related to our relationship).

In addition to this boy trouble, I feel like this town is sucking the life out of me. I am getting the feeling that I’m beginning to sink into another bout of depression, the first indication is that I’m sleeping way more than necessary. At first I thought it was just because I work nights and my sleep schedule is all whacked, but I don’t only sleep during the day, I’m sleeping at night too when I have my days off. I’m also getting overly emotional and frustrated over nothing while crying at the drop of a hat.

I can’t stand feeling this way. I spent most of my teen years in a dark hole of depression and I don’t want to go back. No suicidal thoughts yet though, so that’s a plus. I am going to try to improve my situation as quickly as possible in hopes that it also helps my mood too.

If anyone actually reads this, please keep your fingers crossed that in the next month everything improves for me. I have had a several years of disappointing birthdays, hopefully I’ll have a turn around and this one will be different.